Gerard V, The World's Sixteenth Fastest Hypnotist
There are a surprisingly large number of hypnotists advertising themselves as “The World’s Fastest Hypnotist”. A Google search will reveal half a dozen on the first page or two. I assume that means that they induce trances really quickly, rather than meaning that their shows are very short. (The 30 second Hypno Show, anyone?)
I love to do snap inductions during my shows. Some candidates go into hypnosis very, very fast. But how fast, really?
The claimants to being “world’s fastest” must have all finished first equal at the biannual Hypnotist Olympics. I expect that’s why they can all claim to be the world’s fastest. I wonder if any hypnotists were disqualified from the event, and who won the silver and bronze medals?
Is drug taking a problem in the Hypnosis Olympics as it is in weightlifting and swimming? Although presumably they drug the candidates and not the hypnotist “athletes”.
Is it possible that these claims are just baseless hyperbole? Are other unverified claims also acceptable? How about:
• Gerard V, the world’s sexiest hypnotist (IMHO but perhaps mine alone)
• Gerard V, the world’s funniest hypnotist (who’s to say?)
• Gerard V, the world’s geekiest hypnotist (undoubtedly true)
• Gerard V, the world’s most glamorous hypnotist (I’ll need sequins)
• Gerard V, the world’s most muppety hypnotist (don’t ask)
After a great deal of thought I have decided that baseless claims are not my style, although I really like the sound of: Gerard V, the world’s sixteenth fastest hypnotist.